It’s pretty normal to get carried away in the beginning of a romance. That surge of hormones that you feel when falling in love with someone new is no joke. That stuff is pretty powerful and addictive.
In a sense, you go temporarily insane and all your logic goes out the window. Suddenly, you can’t imagine yourself without this other person and you let your mind explore the world of “what could be.”
Then after a while, you have to question yourself if you’re letting yourself get too carried away. The rational part of you stops and thinks, “Am I getting way over my head here? Are things moving a little too fast?”
Is Your Relationship Moving Too Fast?
There are telltale signs that your relationship might be going at a speed that you can’t really handle. Like all of a sudden, your partner starts spouting out grand plans that involve the two of you that you’re not really comfortable with just yet.
Maybe you’ve only been going out for a few weeks and your partner thinks it’s a good idea that you meet each other’s parents. Alarms are going off in your head and all you want to do is say, “Whoa. Slow down, bucko.”
It’s really not unusual to start feeling like things are getting out of hand. And if you really are serious about this relationship and you see it going somewhere, then it would be smart to slow down a bit and pace yourselves.
Going too fast can ruin even the relationships that have the greatest potential of lasting. When it comes to real love, a lot of it rides on timing and making mature, sound decisions.
At this point, you have to be able to make the distinction between the natural excitement that happens at the start of all relationships and getting too carried away for a number of reasons.
Let’s end your cycle of having the kind of love that burns out too quickly by going into those reasons.
1. You’re moving too fast out of desperation.
Regardless of what stage of your life you are in right now, everyone has the tendency to feel a lot of pressure when it comes to having relationships.
- If you’re in your teens and have only just started feeling the wonders of having a significant other, then it’s pretty common to think that this is person you’re going to end up with. While that might be true in some cases, a wiser person would tell you that this kind of love is not to be taken all that seriously. It’s all about having fun. You’re going to meet a lot more people as you grow older.
- If you’re in your 20s and all your friends are getting married and having babies all of a sudden, it’s easy to jump the gun and envision grand scenarios with someone you just met.
- If you’re middle aged, then the pressure is all the more weighty. You might find yourself panicking and wanting frantically to settle down.
Whatever the case may be, you have to reflect on what you’re actually feeling. Are you really in love or do you just want to get a move on in life?
There is a great danger here for settling and ending up with a person who you’re not really supposed to be with.
2. You don’t even know each other’s middle names.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is that you don’t know much about each other. Red flags should be popping out at this point.
You can’t expect to build a future successfully if you don’t even know who you’re building it with.
3. The serious stuff scares you.
If your relationship follows its natural progression, then there will come a time when talking about stuff like moving in together, meeting each other’s families and marriage wouldn’t raise a lot of anxiety.
For now, if you don’t feel comfortable discussing these things with your partner and they can’t shut up about taking you back to their home for Christmas or what music you’re going to play at your wedding, then it’s a good idea to acknowledge this discomfort.
4. You just know it deep down.
For most people, it’ll just feel “off” if things are moving too quickly. You’ll be able to tell – at least, deep down, that the pace is just not right.
There are a couple of things that could be contributing to this. Maybe you know that you’re just not ready for a serious relationship yet or your subconscious is screaming, “This is not the right one!”
What to do if things are moving too quickly
If any of the stuff we listed above got a little too real for you, then it’s very likely that things are moving too fast in your relationship.
Don’t worry – this doesn’t mean that your relationship has to end. Nothing too rash like that. It’s probably just a good idea to take a step back and do some of the things we’ll list below.
All good relationships are built on good, solid foundations. Of course, this will not be built overnight.
So What Can You Do About It?
1. Come clean and say it.
If you do think that things are moving too quickly, then tell your partner. It would not be worth staying in a relationship with someone you can’t be totally honest with.
You have to let your partner know what you’re feeling so that he or she will not be kept in the dark. It’s sort of cruel to let the other person get fanciful with their fantasies, not knowing that you don’t feel the same way just yet.
2. Focus on you.
Yes, it’s hard not to lose yourself in the beginning of a relationship. It might seem like all you can think about it the other person and what kind of cutlery or curtains you’re going to get for your future vacation home in Aspen.
But you have to make the effort to reconnect with yourself. This way, you’ll be able to get your priorities straight and get a nice dose of reality.
Take up your hobbies again and see your friends every once in a while. You’ll never know, but maybe focusing entirely on your relationship might be the thing that’s hurting it.
3. Live in the moment.
This is a tired old saying, but people keep using it for a reason. Oftentimes, we forget to live in the now and we get swept up into thinking about the future.
One of the worst things you can do for your relationship is to neglect its current state. This is almost like being in a relationship with just the “idea” of a person, not the actual person.
The best way to avoid doing this is to make plans only for the near future. Think about what you’re going to do with your partner for the weekend, not for the next 10 years.
4. Stop kidding yourself.
Maybe the reason why your relationship may be running on petrol instead of a slow-burning fire is that you’re covering up the fact that you and your partner aren’t really compatible.
This is a common mistake that leads to those big, blown up breakups. Sometimes, out of panic, we force things that aren’t really meant to be.
Granted, this is not going to apply to all relationships. But it’s a good idea to sit down and assess if the person you’re with really is “the one.”
5. Give each other space.
In the beginning of a relationship, you’re all over each other. If you can’t be, then that usually means a couple hundred text messages sent back and forth.
Make your meetings count by holding back on some information and keeping some mystery. Mystery is very important for attraction.
If you’re giving away way too much in the beginning, then that’s a surefire way your allure is going to fizzle out much quicker than it should.
6. Remember that the initial butterflies won’t last.
The problem that with relationships that burn out too quickly is that both parties usually get caught up in their emotions. Falling in love is very much like taking very powerful drugs. Eventually, you’re going to crash and you’ll feel like a rug is being pulled from under your feet.
The trick to avoiding this is knowing full well that these feelings are not going to last. These will give way to a much stronger, deeper love. People who have been in long relationship can attest to this.
The beginning of love is sweet and thrilling. It should be prolonged for as much as possible. If you’re taking things to the next level way too quickly, then you won’t have the time to savor your relationship the way it is now.
7. Get to know your partner at a deeper level.
Let’s be honest here. If you’ve only been with your partner for a couple of weeks or months, then that just means one cut above being a stranger.
Sure, you’ll get the trivial stuff out of the way. You’ll quiz each other to know things like their favorite meals and bands, but that’s not really important in the long run.
Like we said before, building a solid foundation for your relationship isn’t only going to take a few weeks. Really learn what the other person is about. Get to know more meaningful things about them like their hopes, dreams, attitudes, and principles.
This is the time to get to their core, not the time to be picking out wedding china.