man running from commitment

A Hopeless Romantic’s Guide to Commitment Phobic Partners

Do you feel as though Cupid has struck an arrow only in your direction? If you’ve fallen head over heels for someone who doesn’t particularly feel the same way, then you’re in for a bumpy ride.

Starting a relationship is one thing, but finding the commitment to build a lasting relationship is a whole different story.

One of the most frustrating things about starting a relationship is if your prospective partner isn’t ready to commit.

Figure out why your partner is wary of commitment and what you can do to have your relationship set sail.

Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

He’s happy with the life he has now

While some guys go crazy for dating, believe it or not, others just aren’t interested in having a long-term relationship.

It’s a hard pill to swallow if you’ve started thinking about your future together and are onto naming Baby #3, but you need to respect this decision about his life.

Your guy might be interested in sex and intimacy, but he might not be looking to have a steady girlfriend. He may have his priorities set on his career, family, friends, or maybe even his hobbies.

It’s just a personal decision that you’d have to deal with.

He’s had his fair share of crappy relationships

If your guy has a history of some nasty relationships and breakups, this may be one of the reasons he’s wary of entering a new relationship. He might be scared of showing his vulnerable side only to have the relationship blow-up in his face.

It’s definitely hard to build trust and intimacy, especially when you’ve been hurt in the past.

He might even still be into his ex, and there’s nothing worse than finding out that you’re a rebound girl.

He’s into someone else

Here’s another fact that’ll pierce your heart.

They might have lingering feelings for another person and can’t seem to get them off their minds. If this is the case, he might be having some trouble figuring out who he wants to have a long-term relationship with.

If there’s a valid reason to think that he has another girl on speed-dial, you’d better call him out on it before even thinking about starting a relationship with him.

The last thing you’d want is for your relationship to end with you as the victim and your guy as the cheater. Don’t waste your time on men who are bound to hurt you in the first place. Before letting him go, found out why men pull away.

He’s feeling a lot of pressure to settle down

While some men are bound to settle down in the future, others aren’t so keen on having their futures set in stone.

He might still be figuring it out while you’re already picking a wedding dress. Give him some time to adjust to the thought of a long-term relationship, and he’ll eventually warm-up to the idea.

He’s afraid of responsibility

Having a serious romantic relationship entails a lot of responsibility – and the truth of the matter is, most guys just aren’t up for it.

A lot of long-term relationships end in marriage, and thinking about the responsibilities of starting a family can get overwhelming.

While he may love spending time with you and getting closer with you, he might not be ready to go all-in just yet.

While this reason is understandable, you might have plans for the future. Clear it up with your prospective boyfriend, so you don’t have any regrets waiting for him to warm-up to the idea of commitment.

He’s still saving-up for the future

man counting pennies

Your man may just be thinking practically before thinking about settling down.

If you plan on starting a family in the future, you’d both need to have a significant amount of cash to buy your home and raise your kids. It might even scare him to think that he can’t provide enough for your future family.

Reassure your partner that you’re on this journey together. Whatever happens, assure him that you’ll both be contributing to building your future together.

Getting your Partner to Commit

If you think that you’ve found “the one,” here are some tips to make your guy say, “I do.”

Steadily make your way into his life

If your relationship is moving at a snail’s pace, you may be thinking of ways to move the relationship along. You can start by finding ways to get more involved in his life.

Find out about his favorite hobbies and what he loves to spend most of his time on. Remember to do this steadily because he might find your constant presence too overwhelming at first.

Try to build a routine with him. You can start by calling him in the morning and at night, or you can set regular weekend dates.

In this way, you get to be more involved while having some me-time and personal space.

Don’t expect things to get serious too fast

There’s nothing a guy hates more than being in a suffocating relationship. Try to make your relationship fun and easygoing at first while setting some boundaries, of course.

If you make each other stressed and are always getting into arguments, he may not want to hang-out with you anymore. Make your time together worthwhile by setting fun and light dates.

One of the boys

Make your way into your guy’s life by building a relationship with his friends.

Men usually value what their friends would say about their girl, so make sure to make a sincere impression. Try to make an honest effort to get to know his circle of friends.

In this way, you’ll also form a stronger relationship with your man as you understand his closest confidantes.

Throw him a Treat

Think of it this way, anything can be learned – even commitment.

As far as learning goes, one of the most effective methods is setting up a reward system. When he does something thoughtful for you, surprise him with a gift in return to encourage him.

The rewards don’t necessarily have to be huge or expensive, and you’re not obligated to give them all the time. According to psychology, applying the concept of an ‘intermittent reward system’ is best. This is when you give occasional gifts that are hard aren’t expected.

Think about your boyfriend’s love language to effectively follow-through with this method. Does he appreciate signs of affection through physical touch or through words of affirmation? Does he get giddy with thoughtful gifts or some quality time?

You know him best, so we’ll leave the rest to you.

Investment is key

According to dating experts, the more a guy has invested time and money into your relationship, the harder it’ll be for him to end it.

Simply put, the more effort he makes to invest in you, the higher the chance that he’ll commit.

This tip doesn’t necessarily have to do with money. It’s actually the little things that count. When you need some help with something, tell him about it and ask for some help.

It’s true that women don’t need rescuing, but making your man feel like a hero once in a while wouldn’t hurt anyone.

He’ll subconsciously become more attached to you the more effort he puts into your relationship.

Let him know what he’s missing

You know what they say: you never really know what you have until it’s gone.

When you feel that he’s not appreciating you and everything you’ve done for your relationship, maybe it’s time to back away.

Some time apart can make him realize what a catch you are. Just don’t push him away too much because that can also lead to some troubling relationship issues.

Pull back a little and make him come to you. This is the perfect opportunity for him to miss you and really appreciate what you mean to him.

Growing Together in a Relationship

2 people falling in love

Maintaining a solid relationship is definitely challenging. It’s not all sprinkles and rainbows all the way through.

Commitment is a choice, and if you’re a hopeless romantic, maybe you believe that your guy will come around to commitment after all.

Falling in love with someone who’s afraid to commit can be one of the most hurtful experiences you can have in a relationship. When you feel like you’re the only one making an effort, it can be tiring to try and keep the fire alive.

To end up with your soon-to-be prince charming, you need to set your mind and make some tough decisions.

Here are a few things you need to consider to stay strong before signing-up on this monstrous task:

When your guy needs support

Let’s end toxic masculinity by assuring our guy that there’s nothing wrong about needing support and feeling insecure!

Both men and women want to feel empowered by their partners, and if they’re wary of commitment, maybe they just need a little reassurance and encouragement.

Let him know that you support his growth and his lifestyle. Give him a chance to understand what he truly wants in life and in a relationship.

Even though you aren’t 100% up for all the crazy things he gets into, try to engage his interests and hobbies. Understand his goals and aspirations for the future, and be a reliable shoulder to lean on.

Relationships are about growth, and one of the best things you could offer each other is support and comfort.

When all you need is patience

Patience is a relationship’s best friend. Remember to give each other enough personal time and space for the relationship to grow naturally.

Some people are wary of labels, and others just don’t want to have any additional responsibilities. If either of you feels pressured to speed-up the relationship, the other half will start to pull away.

When you want to be in a healthy relationship, it’s not selfish to give yourself time to enjoy the things you usually did. Maybe you can hang-out with your girlfriend more or maybe sign-up for a dance class.

Allow yourselves to enjoy time apart. If you’re really bothered by your partner’s wariness of commitment, keep yourself busy to try and get it off your mind.

Some distance and time apart may be all that your boyfriend needs to see what he’s missing.

When overthinking is your worst enemy

You might be starting to overanalyze the reason behind his fear of commitment. Our minds can really be our worst enemy: “was it something I’ve done” or “did I not do enough for him?”

You have to stop these negative thoughts from poisoning your mind. They’ll only make you feel worse, and it won’t be doing any favors for your relationship.

Sure, it’s easier said than done but try to stay positive. Try to remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place and why the relationship is worth fighting for.

When insecurities get the best of you

It goes without saying that you shouldn’t just jump into a relationship if you have some personal issues to deal with. It’s not fair to expect your partner to deal with your personal hang-ups, which might cause you to drift apart.

Try to build yourself up by improving your self-esteem and confidence. Your partner should be doing the same thing too.

Having underlying insecurities makes it hard for anyone to settle down, especially if it makes you question everything your partner is doing.

Make your partner want you by inspiring him with your confidence and unwavering sense of self.

Remember, there’s nothing sexier than confidence.

Trust in the Universe

If you’re reading this article, chances are you’re a hopeless romantic like us! Keep your faith in the universe: if your love was meant to be, trust that it’ll work out.

The last thing you’d want is to make your boyfriend feel as though they’ve been forced into a relationship. This is a journey set for failure.

Remember that commitment is an active and daily choice. If he’s willing to keep the relationship going, it will work out.

We wish you the best of luck. Keep trusting in love!

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